The world according to Garp

New York- At a recent speaking engagement in New York, Robin Williams decided he knew how to solve the world’s numerous problems. Keep in mind that he is a comedian, but the plan hits the nail on the head. Enjoy and have a good giggle.

“I see a lot of people yelling for peace, but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here’s one plan.”

1. The U.S. will apologize to the world for our ‘interference’ in their affairs, past and present. You know, Hilter, Mussolini, Stalin Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein and the rest of the ‘good ole boys,’ we will never interfere again.
2. We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East and the Philippines. They don’t want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.
3. All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We’ll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They’re illegal! France will welcome them.
4. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don’t like it there, change it yourself and don’t hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don’t need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers…
5. No foreign students over the age of 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don’t attend classes, they get a ‘D’ and it’s back home baby.
6. The US.. will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy, but will require a temporary drilling in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.
7. Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don’t like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.”
8. If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not ‘interfere.’ They can pray to Allah or whomever for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9. Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don’t need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10. All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way no one can call us ‘Ugly Americans” any longer. The language we speak is ENGLISH; learn it or leave!

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying ‘Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.’ She’s got a baseball bat and she’s yelling, “You want a piece of me?”

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About thekdreport

Investigative journalist

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